What Is It?

As domestic violence awareness has increased, it has become evident that abuse can occur within a number of relationships. The laws in many states cover incidents of violence occurring between married couples, as well as abuse of elders by family members, abuse between roommates, dating couples and those in lesbian and gay relationships.

In an abusive relationship, the abuser may use a number of tactics other than physical violence in order to maintain power and control over his or her partner:

  • Emotional and Verbal Abuse - Survivors of domestic violence recount stories of put-downs, public humiliation, name-calling, mind games and manipulations by their partners. Many say that the emotional abuse they have suffered has left the deepest scars.
  • Isolation - It is common for an abuser to be extremely jealous, and insist that the victim not see her friends or family members. The resulting feeling of isolation may then be increased for the victim if she loses her job as a result of absenteeism or decreased productivity (which is often associated with people who are experiencing domestic violence).
  • Threats and Intimidation - Threats - including threats of violence, suicide or of taking away children - are very common tactics employed by the batterer.

The existence of emotional and verbal abuse, attempts to isolate, and threats and intimidation within a relationship may be an indication that physical abuse is to follow. Even if they are not accompanied by the physical abuse, the effect of these incidents must not be minimized.

Who Are The Victims?

  • Women were attacked about six times more often by offenders with whom they had an intimate relationship than were male violence victims.
  • Nearly 30 percent of all female homicide victims were killed by their husbands, former husbands or boyfriends.
  • In contrast, just over 3 percent of male homicide victims were killed by their wives, former wives, or girlfriends.
  • Husbands, former husbands, boyfriends and ex-boyfriends committed more than one million violent acts against women.
  • Family members or other people they knew committed more than 2.7 million violent crimes against women
  • Husbands, former husbands, boyfriends and ex-boyfriends committed 26 percent of rapes and sexual assaults.
  • Forty-five percent of all violent attacks against female victims 12 years of age or older by multiple offenders involve offenders they know.
  • The rate of intimate-offender attacks on women separated from their husbands was about three times higher than that of divorced women and about 25 times higher than that of married women.
  • Women of all races were equally vulnerable to attacks by intimates.
  • Female victims of violence were more likely to be injured when attacked by someone they knew than female victims of violence who were attacked by strangers.

Myths Feed Denial About Family Violence

Myth: Family violence is rare...
Truth: Although statistics on family violence are not precise, it's clear that millions of children, women and even men are abused physically by family members and their intimates.

Myth: Family violence is confined to the lower classes...
Truth: Reports from police records, victim services, and academic studies show domestic violence exists equally in every socioeconomic group, regardless of race or culture.

Myth: Alcohol and drug abuse are the real causes of violence in the home...
Truth: Because male batterers also abuse alcohol and other drugs, it's easy to conclude that these substances may cause domestic violence, but they also offer the batterer another excuse to evade responsibility for his behavior. The abusive man - and men are the abusers in the overwhelming majority of domestic violence incidents - typically controls his actions, even when drunk or high, by choosing a time and place for the assaults to take place in private and go undetected. In addition, successful completion of a drug treatment program does not guarantee an end to battering. Domestic violence and substance abuse are two different problems that should be treated equally.

Myth: Battered wives like being hit, otherwise they would leave...
Truth: The most common response to battering - "Why doesn't she just leave?" - ignores the economic and social realities facing women. Shelters are often full, and family, friends and the workplace are frequently less than fully supportive. Faced with rent and utility deposits, day care, health insurance, and other basic expenses, the woman may feel that she cannot support herself and her children. Moreover, in some instances, the woman may be increasing the chance of physical harm or even death if she leaves and abusive spouse.

What Can Each Of Us Do?

  • Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence.
  • Speak out publicly against domestic violence.
  • Take action personally against domestic violence when a neighbor, a co-worker, a friend or a family member is involved or being abused.
  • Encourage your neighborhood watch or block association to become as concerned with watching out for domestic violences as with burglaries and other crimes.
  • Support someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic violence and/or talk with a person you believe is being abusive.
  • Help others become informed, by inviting speakers to your church, professional organizations, civic group, or workplace.
  • Support domestic violence counseling programs and shelters.

Power & Control

Many myths surround Domestic Abuse. People think that batterers are violent because they have low self-esteem, a genetic defect, a drug problem or because they lose control of their emotions. Even though any one of these may be true, the primary cause of battering is learned behavior.

Abusive partners use violence to gain Power and Control. When they want something, they know how to get it - violence. Abuse works because it maintains control over a woman. She lives in fear of further violence and alters her behavior to accommodate here abuser's moods, whims, and needs in order to protect herself and/or children. The abuser knows how to use other behaviors in addtion to violence to keep the woman isolated and subordinate. Backing up these behaviors with violence makes here escape nearly impossible. An abuser chooses to batter because the choice is theirs to make and until quite recently, there have been no consequences for these actions.

The diagrams (1) (2) were developed by the Duluth Abuse Intervention Project. It describes behaviors that are used together as a system by abusers. The Power and Control wheel is drawn with violence as the rim and the other behaviors as the spokes. Just like a wheel, they depend upon and reinforce each other.

Each of these tactics help the abuser to maintain control over the woman. The tactics are backed up and held together by violence and the threat of violence. The woman is forced to comply with the abuser's demands because the threat of physical harm. Each action used by the abuser puts another obstacle in place to prevent her escape. All together, this system of behaviors builds barriers to a woman's escape far beyond the physical violence alone.

Just A Couple Of Facts

FACT: Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in her home.(F.B.I., 1991)
FACT: 11.6% of all marriages or relationships of cohabitation experience some physical violences within a given year. (National Inst. of Mental Health, 1985)
FACT: According to the Center for disease Control, a woman is in nine times more danger or violent attack in her own home than on the streets.
FACT: Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States - more than rapes, robberies and automobile accidents combined. (Surgeon General, United States, 1991)
FACT: Violence against women can (and does) occur in families from all racial, economic, educational, and religious backgrounds.
FACT: The length of time between each beating becomes shorter and shorter with each beating.
FACT: The severity of the battering escalates over time... the slap becomes the punch, the punch becomes the choke, the choke becomes...
FACT: Children who grow up in violent homes are likely to bring violence into their own homes as adults... violence for many families is often a "family tradition."
FACT: Violence and alcoholism are two separate problems... both problems need to be treated and faced...
FACT: NO ONE DESERVES TO BE BEATEN! Wheats more, it's a crime!
FACT: Women's Resource Center offers emergency shelter for women and children who are experiencing violence in their own homes.
FACT: Women's Resource Center operates a 24 hour crisis line for talking and problem-solving.
FACT: Women's Resource Center needs your help to work to end violence against women!